I Miss You Jeremiah

Dear Jeremiah,
Almost 2 years ago you came to my door in the back seat of a car driven by CPS. I was so excited to have you come and stay with us that I couldnt wait to meet you. You were just 15 months old. It didnt take us long to fall in love with you. All of us. That seemed like such a long time ago. Throughout all that time I kept telling myself not to grow too attached to you because you would be leaving us. I was just so sure that a baby as precious as you would be gone very quickly. I spoke the words outloud many times reminding myself not to be too crazy about this little boy. But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and the months became a year I somehow got so lost in you I didnt realize it. I forgot at times that you were not my own biological child. You meant so much to us and I loved every minute you were here. I think I lulled myself into believing that you wouldnt go. Then the call came ..... your biological grandmother had won custody of you. I will never forget that day. There was a terrible lump that came in my throat and I worked so hard to choke back the tears. I told the rest of the children and family that you would be leaving. I tried to keep a stiff upper lip. I silently began to pack your things when I was told she was on the way. I imagined what she would be like. I worried that she wouldnt know how special you were the way we did. I knew we had to do what was best for you and not what was best for us but I didnt know her...and now I was handing you over to her. I was worried she wouldnt rock you at night the way I had. I was afraid she wouldnt sing your favorite songs. The day she arrived and took you off for a visit I was panic stricken. It was hard. I knew once I met her that she would be good to you. She did her best to reassure me. She had been fighting to get you for a very long time so I knew she must care deeply for you. She allowed me my time to say goodbye. Saying goodby to you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. You have been gone for 2 days now and everything I see and smell still reminds me of your precious little face. I know what grief feels like. I know this will pass in time. I cant help but feel a little angry that they let you sit in the system so long that we fell in love with you. The system needs to move faster for foster children. I am thankful that you have someone who loves you and that you have your family. But my heart is heavy. I miss you and I love you so very very much. The day you left made a hole that cant be filled. I pray that God keeps his hand on you, protects you and keeps you in the palm of his hand. I would give anything to be able to hold you just one more time and sing Lullybye, or to share your favorite icecream with you or swing in the park. Just one more day. I miss you Jeremiah and I love you more that you will ever know. You will grow up and forget me because you were small when you left my home. But you left a huge footprint on my heart that will last forever. I learned so much from you. I will hold you in my heart now and try to move forward keeping the picture in my mind of you being happy and carefree. I love you sweetboy.

Always and forever,
Mommy

Sunday Morning

The house is very quiet right now because I cant seem to stop waking up in time to get the kids ready for school in spite of the fact that school has been out a month now. Soon they will all be up and getting ready for church. Today will be our new little girls first sunday in church with us and they are excited about going. Today is 4th of July so we will come home and have a little picnic and let the kids have some fun on the slip and slide. I am thankful to live in the USA. Our country may have its problems but when you compare us to some of the other countries you read about in the paper and see on the news I think I would feel a little ashamed to complain. At least in my country as a female, wife and mother I am not considered to be a piece of property. Lord knows we have a long ways to go in America but we have certainly been blessed beyond reason.
We will soon be blessed with the finalization of another adoption. J and N have been with us for a long time. The birth mother of these 2 boys loves them very much and I know she does. The problem was that she just didnt feel compelled to do anything that was required of her by DSS to remedy the situation that brought them into care. The court did not want to return them to her care. It is sad to see a family torn apart but the really sad part about this one is she sees no fault of her own in the entire ordeal. The boys grew angry with her over a period of time. She feels like I put that anger in them. I dont even respond to her when she attempts to engage me in a shouting match...I dont feel like that kind of foolishness is worth my time however I never stopped reminding these boys that no matter how they thought they were feeling that she is still the woman who gave them life and she deserves their respect for that. I have received a few vulgar toungue lashings from this woman but its all good. I pray for her. I personally dont believe that she will ever be able to mend any fences with these boys until she accepts the responsibility for her own actions. In the meantime I will continue to watch these boys grow and flourish. God has his hands on both of them I know they are destined for greatness. I dont believe these boys should write her off forever because I think someday they are going to have some questions that only she will be able to answer for them. I think its a hole that all foster children have if that makes any sense.
So we are a family of 6 children now. Each of them a blessing in their own way. God really does work miracles. I see it often.

Blogging Time

Its been a while since I had the time to sit down and blog about anything. Things have been a whirlwind of activity in the Brewer house .... some good and some bad. The children finished school and everyone was passed to the next grade. Morgan seems to be doing well and I am no longer worried that she isnt catching on like I thought she should. She is a very smart girl and so full of life....I cant imagine my life before her. She really is a gift from God.
Rae left us and moved to the family that has his sisters. We missed him very much but we were glad he has a chance to be with some of his family. Family comes few and far between for these children. He will always have a place in my home and heart. He left a different child than he was when he first came and I am happy to have been able to watch God work as he made a change in that little boy.
We welcomed two new members to our house. One is age one and the other is age five. They are beautiful little girls and oh so tiny. Morgan has been thrilled beyond words to have a little girl in the house to play with. And so that is how it goes...the family grows again. It is always so sweet to see how my kids go the extra mile to welcome a new child into this house. I know why they do it...its because they know what its like to be that new kid in foster care and how it feels to be lonely and confused. They recall those feelings. I am glad they show compassion for other children. God is at work in the children in this house. Its amazing to watch. I am honored to have a front row seat!

May is Foster Care Month

For Immediate Release April 28, 2010 Presidential Proclamation-National Foster Care Month
A PROCLAMATION

Nearly a half-million children and youth are in foster care in America, all entering the system through no fault of
their own. During National Foster Care Month, we recognize the promise of children and youth in foster care, as well as former foster youth. We also celebrate the professionals and foster parents who demonstrate the depth and kindness of the human heart.

Children and youth in foster care deserve the happiness and joy every child should experience through family life and a safe, loving home. Families provide children with unconditional love, stability, trust, and the support to grow into healthy, productive adults. Unfortunately, too many foster youth reach the age at which they must leave foster care and enter adulthood without the support of a permanent family.

Much work remains to reach the goal of permanence for every child, and my Administration has supported States that increased the number of children adopted out of foster care, providing over $35 million in 2009 through the Adoption Incentives program. We are also committed to meeting the developmental, educational, and health-related needs of children and youth in foster care. The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act provided a significant increase in funding for the Title IV-E adoption and foster care assistance program. States can use
these funds to ensure those placed in foster care will enter a safe and stable environment.

In addition, we are implementing the Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act. This law promotes permanency and improved outcomes for foster youth through support for kinship care and adoption, support for older youth, direct access to Federal resources for Indian tribes, coordinated health benefits, improved educational stability and opportunities, and adoption incentives and assistance. Former foster youth will also benefit from the Affordable Care Act, which, beginning in 2014, will ensure Medicaid coverage for them in every State.

This month, caring foster parents and professionals across our Nation will celebrate the triumphs of children and
youth in foster care as they work to remove barriers to reaching a permanent family. Federal, State, and local government agencies, communities, and individuals all have a role to play as well. Together, we can ensure that young people in foster care have the opportunities and encouragement they need to realize their full potential.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim May 2010 as National Foster Care Month. I call upon all Americans to observe this month with appropriate programs and activities to honor and support young people in foster care, and to recognize the committed adults who work on their behalf each day.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-eighth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand ten, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.

BARACK OBAMA

Galatians 6:9

Everyone second guesses themselves at one time or another. I have often said if someone paints the picture of their homelife and it comes too close to looking like the Brady bunch then thats the people you really wanna be careful of because some one is lying. Everyone has their ups and downs. This week the Brewer house has been plagued with mishaps. I believe with all that is in me and my boys have so much potential to be leaders and strong men of faith in God that I know Satan is going to work hard to try and get his claws into them. That is why I work as hard as I can to try and keep them covered in prayer all the time. Satan must have put in overtime this week. My kids were a mess this week. One of them was tossed off the school bus for acting up, another one was fighting, and then came the back talk. It seemed like I was doing nothing but passing out punishments all week. It got the best of me a few times. I confided to someone on Monday that I wondered if I was doing these children and good at all. He looked back at me and said well if your wondering if you doing a good job then you must be....otherwise you wouldnt care. I silently hoped he was right. Now I know boys this age will go through hormonal rages of puberty and we just have to let them get though it. But I really felt bad. Tonight my oldest son and I went to church and just before we left the pastor....who by the way didnt know me at all walked up to me and quoted Galatians 6:9 to me:
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
When he said those words to me I cant begin to tell you how refreshed I felt. It was like someone just picked me up and dusted me off and said to keep on keeping on. It was amazing. God is really something isnt he? He knew what I needed....sent someone my way to pass it on and now I am eagerly ready to try again. God has charged me with an amazing responsibility to nurture these boys and I want to do a good job.....I cant wait to reap the harvest.

The Kindergarten Performance

Today was Morgans first school performance. I always love to go to the kindergarten performance because there are so many new moms in the crowd that when the kids come out on stage they all race to the front like the paparazzi chasing Princess Di. I have had a few kindergarten performances under my belt so I thought to myself I would be sitting in my seat laughing at all of them. Boy was I wrong. My daughter was on stage. When she came out on the stage and I saw her little eyes scanning the crowd looking for me I hopped to my feet so she could find me and raced up front with my camera in hand. Its funny how I felt when she came out on the stage. She wasnt my foster daughter...she was mine. It is funny how that made me feel. I love my foster children so very very much but there is something special about knowing its YOUR child. And when she opened her little mouth to sing with the rest of the children I couldnt help but get a little misty as I sat there and thought about all the things this beautiful little girl has been through to see her now is just a miracle. Its the working of God in her life. I was overwhelmed. I am so grateful to have been chosen by God to be the mother of this little girl. Tonight I got to reap some of the benefit of the sacrifice we make when we become a mom. Sure she may cry to try and get her way sometimes...she might make a mess when I wish she wouldnt....but who cares...all that seems so trivial when you see them in their first little kindergarten performance and you sit and think about all that this child has the potential to become. God has charged me with an awesome responsibility. I didnt deserve such an awesome blessing but he gave it to me anyway....thats why we named her Grace...Morgan Grace...Grace means unmerited favor from God.

Mommy Daughter Day

Today was Mommy and Daughter day at the Brewer house. Morgan is just 5 years old so therefore she doesnt do all the activities that her older foster brothers do...but she goes to all the practices and games and so forth. So I wanted this to be about her. We made plans to go out just her and I. She was so excited about it and she kept reminding me that is MOMMY DAUGHTER DAY. I think she liked saying those words as much as I liked hearing them. As soon as church was over and we got the boys all situated with daddy we took off. The boys were all mad because they wanted to go too. I had lunch with my daughter and then we went to Chuck E Cheese and played games. After that we went shopping for a Mommy daughter day outfit. It was so much fun just her and I. I thought it was cute that she kept mentioning the boys and wondering what they were doing. She loves them...they are her brothers. She mentioned to me after we left Chuck e Cheese that the next time we go she would like to bring them to play too. My daughter is a talker....anyone who spends five minutes with her will tell you she is a huge talker. But I discovered something about her today.....she has a kind heart, she thinks of others, she looks for things to say to make you smile. While we were going down the road right out of the blue she proclaimed to me that I was the best mother in the whole world.....I asked her why fully expecting her to say because your taking me to Chuck E Cheese....instead she said because you take care of me and make me smile. I am Morgans mom....I cant tell you how those words make me feel. It couldnt feel any better if I hit the grand slam lottery.

Wrinkle in the Road

Its been a mess around here lately. Ever since R has come to the realization that social services in making plans to move him to an adoptive home hes began to act up. I feel like I am handing out punishments all the time this week. Then to make matters worse he got kicked off the school bus. He deserved it. So I have been making him do chores to earn money for gas to take him to and from school. Then while all that was going on N decided to have a tantrum. He is a lazy student and he doesnt like to be corrected for anything. It comes from his old way of thinking that he is an adult. He was pretty mad at me for fussing at him for his poor grade. It was probably the maddest he has ever gotten with me. I didnt yell or anything at him I just didnt say anything really. I decided to let it go and let him sink or swim with that grade with just the reminder that if the grade is poor he will go to summer school. So thats been out week for the most part. Handing out punishments for bad behavior. I shouldnt feel badly but I do. I love them and like seeing them happy and I like being the one that makes them happy. But I want them to grow up being happy productive self sufficient adults there will be some bumps in the road. And that is what they are really...bumps. Later on when I was washing dishes N came up to me and kissed my cheek and said Im sorry for being mean. They are my boys and I love them.

Middle School Mom

So I guess I am an official Middle School mom. Today N left for spring break camp for 2 days. I have always had a good close relationship to N. When we got to the bus and he was about to board it for camp I could tell he didnt want to kiss me in front of all his cool middle school friends. I guess I could have been one of those cool moms and let him shake my hand and go but instead I decided what the heck...I grabbed him and gave him a huge hug and kiss and told him I loved him with all my heart and to call me if he needed me immediately and I would race to his side. I could tell he blushed. But its all good. I knew he would eventually reach that ripe ole age of preteen when he would be embarassed by me....I know he loves me. And although he might have blushed with a little embarassment in front of his cool friends in his heart he knows I love him and would walk through the fire for him. So thats why I am sitting up so late....One of little ones is out of the nest and I am wondering what he is doing tonite. I know he is safe at camp....after all its sponsored by the Police and Sheriffs department.
R found out that the adoption party he was having to go to was cancelled. He was elated. His adoption case worker stopped by to see him and to help him begin the process of building a book about himself that would later be used as tool for potential adoptive parents. R is not fond of social workers and he tried with all that was within himself to express his feelings to her today. He is such a confused little boy. We have decided to leave it in Gods hands knowing that whatever is in his will for R will be the best. Time will tell.
So I guess I will go try to lay down again. Tomorrow is soccer game day.
Nite nite

Spring Break

Lots of things going on at our house lately. First we got past that very long drawn out court thing we had to sit in. It was bittersweet but left a print on my soul in ways I find hard to put into words. So much has been said about this mother and I know and I think in her heart of hearts she knows she isnt ready to care for these children. She will be in my prayers.
Then we had Easter. I was really looking forward to Easter this year. All my boys got suits for Easter and my little girl looked like a fairy princess and I could tell she felt like one as well. It was fun planning for it. We had a nice dinner and an Easter egg hunt after. Even my mom went to church.....faint. My friend came over and spent some time with us and went to church and it was nice having company for the holiday because it took some of the sting away of being ignored by the rest of my relatives.
The children had a blast and that made it a wonderful day for me. Now that that is all out of the way its time to get back into the mode of soccer and practice and games and all that fun stuff. My oldest will be leaving this weekend for a few days at Spring break camp and I am not sure how I feel about it but I know I will cry when he gets on that bus to make that ride 10 miles down the road. Its a mom thing....I love them and like keeping them around me so I know they are safe. I am not one of those over protective moms but I just enjoy my kids.
This coming weekend also one of my other children will be getting picked up to attend an adoption party. He isnt real thrilled about it but I am trying to make it as easy as possible for him. Social services seems to think that he would do best in a home where he is the only child....I disagree. He has done well where he is and the therapist seems to think so as well. But I have given my word to the department that I would work with them on any decision they make and I will do so....even if I think its a dumb one.
So now we are in Spring break full mode....and I can see the kids are getting a little bored with it already.
Thats ok .....I have a surprise for them tomorrow!

TPR

Termination of Parental Rights court proceedings is a sad event ... and thats all I am going to say about that.

Our Adoption Journey

For many years my husband and I have dealt with the disappointment caused by infertility. Anyone who knows me could readily tell you that for as long as I could I have always taken care of someones child. I began babysitting at the age of eleven and along with that came a life long love of children. I dreamed of the day I would walk down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams and begin to raise a huge family and then reap the benefit of grandchildren and great grandchildren as well. That was my paradise. Many people thought I was nuts. I am a firm believer that every child is a blessing from God and I was just sure he was going to bless my marriage with many children; after all I had followed all the rules my entire life - I was a good person, went to church, stayed out of trouble, finished school and worked hard to make sure my parents were proud of me. Then I got married.....and I waited....and waited.....and waited.

My first visit to the gynecologist was a confusing one. I already knew something wasnt quite right but just wasnt sure what it was. I was later diagnosed with a condition known as uterine hyperplasia. After multiple D&C procedures, followed by several prescriptions of provera I was also informed that my body was simply not ovulating. As long as I was not making a monthly egg of course pregnancy was out of the question. That was what the doctor was saying. My heart was telling me something else. I wanted a child. No matter how many times I was told by the doctor that the chances of me getting pregnant were slim I was always hoping for that very slight chance to be my lucky month. Eventually the years began to pass. I must say those were difficult years of roller coaster emotions and depression. The hope was still there for me...or so I thought. Until one day I walked into my doctors office and he informed me that it was in the best interest of my health to have a hysterectomy. I took the news with a stiff upper lip...pretended to my doctor that I was glad to be getting it done to rid me of the constant problems I had been having, left his office and pulled over on Battlefield Boulevard and cried like I have never cried before. As long as I had my uterus there was always some hope...now with the uterus being removed all hope was gone. I cursed my infertility that day. I was angry with God...angry that he didnt miraculously heal me of all my infirmities the way I had been told all my life he would do. I blamed God. I was very angry.

I had my hysterectomy and went through it with the help of Dr. Rector. He had been my doctor for many years and he made it as simple as possible for me. I healed quickly and was ready to go back to work in less than 3 weeks. After I returned home I never once took a pain pill. All the bloating, night sweats, and hormonal rages I felt inside of me seemed to have subsided. I told everyone around me that my hysterectomy was the best thing I ever did for myself. Inside my heart was broken. I felt angry and betrayed. I felt like I was the worst wife in the world. I told my husband that he should leave me, that by staying with me he would be cheating himself of the opportunity to be a father. He just looked at me. My husband has never made me feel less than a woman for my infertility, if anything he went the extra mile to encourage me that it was me he loves and not my ability or lack of to make an offspring for his name. He often pauses to let me rage about something when I need to and he just listens....its part of his charm. I am the verbal one in the house and I was very verbal with laying my blame at the feet of God whom I felt had let me down. Little did I know at that time instead of laying my blame at his feet I should have laid my hurt at his feet and he would take it away.

The hysterectomy was complete and life went on....for everyone that is except me. Inside I was a depressed angry mess. I no longer had the monthly visits with Dr. Rector anymore because I was better now so I threw myself into my work. I was working 2 jobs to keep myself and my mind occupied. In the back of my mind I though about the idea of becoming a Foster parent. I pushed it out of my thoughts several times until one day I was sitting at the table talking to my husband and the subject of foster parenting came up. He just looked at me and said "are you sure you can handle it when one of them leaves?" I said i felt i could and he just said ok then sign us up. Thats how things are with Rob and I. He is a thinker...he is always considering ahead what might or might not happen and I lunge forward by the seat of my pants. He was protecting my feelings before anything happened. I am blessed with a wonderful husband.

We signed up to take the necesssary foster parent training classes with our local city. The workers for our local DSS came out and inspected our home and we were certified and waiting. Our very first placement was a sibling group of four. The ages of these children were 1,3,6, and 7. We were so thrilled to have them there is no way I could put it into words. Those first few months were months of adjustment but inside I was in pure heaven. I quit my jobs because I couldnt bear the thought of going off each night and leaving these little guys. I was getting my chance to be mom and noone was going to take that from me...at least not now. Those early days were some of the happiest of my life. Rob and I made the decision to move to a larger house and it was no time at all we received another placement....another baby. Before we knew it we were the foster parents to seven beautiful little children! Many of you reading this will sigh and say OMG not seven kids for me. I am not advocating that if you cant have children of your own to go out and take in as many children as you can. My entire life I have always dreamed of having a large family and just when I thought that opportunity would not take place here they all were. I threw myself into those children. I was room mom, team mom, and anything else I could do. But it isnt until that first placement leaves your home that the reality that what your doing is just temporary hits close to home. I had a little boy who left our home to live with his biological grandmother. It was a hard blow to take but it was the courts decision. I was devastated. This little boy had been with me for 2 years and now he was leaving. To make matters worse, after that, 3 months later 2 more of my children left as well. Inside I was a literal mess. I told God that I was mad at him again....he denied me the chance to have kids of my own and just when I get some he snatched them away as well. I vowed to myself I wouldnt get too close anymore...I wouldnt hurt like that ever again. I had agreed that whenever possible all children would be placed with relatives first ..and in spite of the fact that I said I agreed with my mouth when it comes down to what you feel is YOUR child the only place you want them is with you. And I refused to take another child into my home. Its funny how when things dont go the way you hope we have to have a scapegoat to blame it on. My scapegoat was God. I felt since I had been basically a good person my entire life he owed me somehow. God didnt owe me anything.

So then I still had 3 children left in my home. I was very careful to remind these children that I was their FOSTER PARENT....and foster parents are just a temporary fix. I did all the right things but I was careful to guard my heart....after all they are only here for a short time. Morgan was just barely 3 when she first came to my home. I was told during the process that there was a high probability that she would be available for adoption soon. Part of me never really believed it at first. There was this beautiful little brown eyed blonde baby....surely someone would come along and snatch her away. Eventually I was told a date had been set for the termination of parental rights which is the first step towards adoption. In the meantime the social worker gave me a huge packet of papers to complete which I did...sometimes at a snails pace because I felt that somehow God was going to take me to the end of this process and snatch her away too. We filled out all the necessary paper work, selected an attorney and began the process of waiting for a court date.

It is funny when your in an adoption process with a child. When women are pregnant and awaiting a birth to happen I am sure they are overcome with so much excitement, anticipation, and I am sure they are afraid as well. When your awaiting that pending court date its the same way. You are just sure every little phone call is to bring the news that everything fell threw...your sure something will go wrong until that last paper is signed. When the judge makes it final you feel a sudden sigh of relief. The same way a woman does when she gives birth....at last everything is okay. When the last adoption paper is signed you breathe a sigh of relief as well...ahhhh at last the baby that I have allowed myself to fall in love with in spite of the fact that I intended to keep a professional space in between is mine...forever...she is my daughter and noone can take her away. Its an overwhelming feeling. I got that call on December 11, 2009. Morgan became my daughter officially on that day. I walked into the court room as a foster parent and walked out as a mother. I was her mother a long time before the judge said so but now it was official.

Fostering and or adopting have both been a very rewarding experience for me. It is not without its problems as nothing is flawless...especially the foster care system. You will deal with a great deal of sadness and a lot of hurt children. You will meet the good in people and you will see the worst in people. It will seem sometimes like the court dates are endless. Its all for the protection and safety of the children. Its all about saving families I told myself. I reminded myself that throughout the process with Morgan. But there are times when families cannot be saved and children need a home. If your able to step in then and provide the love and nurturing a child needs it is something you wont regret.

My biggest gift from fostering was the adoption of my daughter....but I also received another gift as well. My husband and I had been married 20 years before Morgan became our daughter. Prior to that I always used my infertility as an excuse not to trust God. I knew I needed to trust him with every aspect of my life. But in my mind if he let me down when it came to children then he would let me down in other things as well. God knew what I had need of even before I asked. I cannot put into words the many days of sadness and hurt that plagued my early years of marriage because I chose to lay the blame for my infertility with God. It never occured to me at that time that God had another plan. He already put it into motion, and he knew that one day Morgan would need a mom and I would need a daughter. His ways are perfect. And I cant say he didnt heal me. He did heal me. Because with one stroke of the judges pen God took what was the worst thing in my life (my infertility) and turned it into the biggest blessing I ever had. I stand in awe now and I know I shouldnt ..because hes just doing what God can do. I wonder what would have happened if I had handed it over to him to start with? My journey to adoption was a long one...not because of God...not because of the system...but because of me and my lack of trusting God to start with. I asked God to heal me of my infertility....he did. He healed me by way of knowledgable doctors who knew what my problem was and promptly took care of it. I asked God to send me children....he did. He sent me many children. And although many of those children were not my permanent children I have had the opportunity to plant seeds in the lives of many children who because of the time they spent in my home will grow up to know what it was like to be a part of a normal family. God said his word wouldnt return void so I know those seeds will prosper and grow. God also sent me Morgan. Like I said God took the worst thing in my life (infertility) and turned into the biggest blessing of my life. I can never thank him enough for honoring us with the blessing of this beautiful child.

traditions minus the extended family

Today I was thinking about family. I have so many fond memories of my holiday celebrations with family and friends when my dad was living. My dad felt family togetherness was very important. He expected that no matter what had been said or done throughout the year you were expected to be together for the holidays whether you liked it or not. I can remember as a child the many Easter Celebrations in my grandmothers yard hiding easter eggs, the Christmas breakfasts at my aunts house, not to mention all the birthdays and anniversary celebrations thrown in between it all. My dad died several years ago and it seemed like once that happened that holiday celebrations didnt seem as important to a lot of people. I think my dad was the cement that held us all together. I would still get an occassional invitation to spend a holiday or two for a while but it was never quite the same. As the years have pressed on I am now invited to basically nothing. They have their celebrations and I have my own here at my house. I believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that my family has basically gotten too large and too colorful to make a lot of my family comfortable....which is fine. If they didnt feel comfortable being around us its better they werent because in spite of the fact that some of my children are a different race than I am I would immediately take offense if someone said something to hurt them....lets be honest I would get flat angry. But in looking back I have to say.....my family may omit me and my children from most things these days but I am glad they did. I have new holiday memories they will never have....they havent seen my children get excited over finding the gifts under the tree on Christmas morning....they havent seen the excitement in their eyes when looking for the last Easter egg....they havent seen them open birthday gifts when many birthdays before coming to us they didnt have anything. Every little event excites my children and they are so thankful for it all. They talk about it all year long. Its a good feeling. I am making my own holiday memories. I am making my traditions......and the only thing I have missed out on is spending my holiday with people who whisper behind my back when I am out of the room or people who are only spending time with me because they feel like they had to. My children havent missed out on a thing. In the place of the disregard of some of my family God has sent other people into our lives to replace the ones that left.....Melissa, John, Teresa and many others make up for all the extended family my children dont get. They havent missed out on a thing. Just tonite the kids were sitting around the table talking about ...Christmas is over now its time for Valentines....N leaned over and told R that when its valentines day mom will always show up at your school with food.....its tradition he said. I like that word...tradition.