Our AC has been acting up for the last two days. So we called the repairman and he agreed to come out...he obviously wasnt very good at what he does because he was gone 3 hours and it stopped running again. So I called him back out. He said he would come and we sat here and waited....and waited...and waited some more. The longer we waited the hotter we became. It was not a pretty site. Rob and I became very grumpy with one another and the children did nothing more than bicker and fight and whine about how hot it was in the house. The hotter it became the worse we got. I have been wondering how we ever lived without AC? I have decided I would rather have AC than eat! How did all those women back in the olden days make it without AC? They not only lived without AC but they also slaved away in their kitchens cooking and preparing homemade food for their families while wearing long hot dresses. I wonder if everyone back in those days had body odor. The last 2 days in this house was not very fun. Finally when we realized our so called repairman was not coming out we found another one ...paid his overtime rate at midnite and got the air back on. Thank God for AC. Its the little blessings in your life you dont really appreciate until they are not there anymore.
NITE NITE
Today Rob, the kids and I went to visit my Grandma. She is 98 years old now and although shes maintained excellent health for the majority of her life which I think has lulled us into a false sense of believing she would be here forever. Recently shes taking a downward spiral in her health and to be pretty honest....Im scared. I cant imagine her not being here. I was named after her....Mary. She has been a part of every important event in my life. And shes been there to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can recall during the times in my life when I failed miserably at something grandma was always there...never lecturing....always making things right for me. Grandma has always had a solution for my problems and when she didnt have one I could always count on her to pray until a solution came. I know I am being selfish...I dont want her to lay on her bed and suffer. But I am just so not ready to let her go. I dont thing I will ever be ready for that. She has been the glue thats held our family together for so many years. If it was not for my grandmother I can say I would probably not being in church now....she took me to church and the biggest contribution she has made to my life is that she has lived a model of a Christian life in front of me. Grandma trained me to love God, honor his word, obey his commandments without ever telling me to do anything. She modeled it in front of me everyday. The first time I ever heard that I needed salvation was from my grandmother. If she leaves me soon then heaven will get another piece of my heart but Grandma will leave behind such a legacy that I can only hope to leave. Because of the christian example I saw from my grandma it is my hearts desire to make sure that all of my children first hear about Christ from me....when they get old enough I want to be the first one to tell them they need to accept Christ and to live for him daily. And I want to model a Christian life in front of them....and it would be my hope and prayer that someday they would be able to say about me....Momma showed us how to be a Christian ...by being one herself.
Today my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Traditionally we have always made it a rule not to buy gifts for one another on this occassion but to go out together and either spend time together or we would get a gift together but it had to be something we could both enjoy. This year we settled on one of those new flat screen televisions. This was somewhat of a momentous occassion not only in that it was our 20th anniversary but it was also our very first BRAND NEW televison. We have always had a televison throughout our married life but they were always second hand. The price tag was staggering when you have never paid more than 25 dollars your entire life for a television. But its ok...and its something that we can all enjoy together...the entire family.
A lot has changed with us in the past 20 years. Tonite I was flipping though old family pictures and it was such fun to see how we have changed over the years. Robs hair has thinned considerable and I have officially joined the ranks of grey haired women. I used to keep it dyed but no more. Rob said he likes it salted with the grey the way it is and now that he mentions it I love his thinning locks as well. I guess thats how it is when you love someone. There isnt anything Rob could do physically that would make me not love him. The day he came into my life I was really blessed. He is a wonderful husband, father, provider and spiritual leader for our family.
I think back tonite to those early years when the pay checks were much smaller than they are now. There were many times when we didnt even think about a meal out unless a relative was kind enough to invite us over. Now we can go out on occassion....buy a new tv....and even have a few dollars left over for the week. We have been blessed. And as blessed as we are I wouldnt trade those early days when we didnt have much more to live on than love for all the money in the world. If Rob were to ask me again today I would marry him all over again. Those were fun days.
Our days now are spent raising children. Rob is a great father and I do my best to be the kind of mother God would have me to be. When the children ask about Jesus I want to be the one to tell them about him first....I want to be the one to lead them to Christ. This is a new chapter in our married life.
I cant wait to become a grandmother next!!!!!!!
Happy Anniversary Rob.....I love you more than anything in the world.
My little girl turns 5 tomorrow. She is so excited about that. Time has really flown by. It seems like just yesterday she was potty training. Now in the fall she will board the bus and begin her school years. Its kind of bittersweet actually. I wish I could keep her little and safe forever and no matter how old she may get she will always be my little girl and I will always walk through the fire to keep her safe.....but something about starting those school years and sending them off to the unknown.
And then there is the middle school years. My oldest is leaving the safe haven of elementary school and will be heading off the middle school next time. He was just a little 2nd grader when he first came to live with me. It seems like its just happened in the blink of an eye. I admit I have a lot of anxiety about him going to middle school. He will be faced with a lot of choices he didnt have to make in elementary school. I pray that he makes good choices. He is a good boy and I have faith that he will.
Sometimes I guess all you can really do is do your best with the children and then leave them in Gods hands.
Again our family grew this week and we welcomed a beautiful little 3 yr old girl into our home. M was so excited to no longer be the only hen in the rooster house and she finally had someone who would play dollbaby with her all day long. Its been fun watching them because kids can meet each other for a few minutes and all of sudden its like they have known each other forever. Thats part of the beauty of childhood I think.
My mind still keeps going back to the time I spent with my other 2 foster children who are now living with their Grandmother. I had no idea how emotionally exhausting it would be to see them but I wouldnt have missed it for all the money in the world. Its really hard to take a child and spend so much time with them....watch them grown....get comfortable....become so full of life and happy and then to see them change completely. Those 2 children were so full of life when they lived with me and it hurts to see that gone. Dont get me wrong I think all children need discipline and structure and we are happy to hand it out in sufficient doses when deemed necessary but to see them walk so soldier like and almost scared when they are with the grandmother is pretty hard to swallow. Then to make matters worse while I was visiting with them the little girl told some things that shouldnt be happening. All I could do is encourage her to talk to her social worker. Unfortunately she doesnt feel like that is something she can do...she is afraid of her. I wish she wasnt. All I can do is leave them in Gods hands now and pray that he keeps them safe in the palm of his hand....and I know he will.
I used to think I would like to become a Social Worker......not anymore. I wouldnt have that job for any amount of money. I love children. I wish I had a home large enough to accomodate more. I thought that job was about happy endings...but its so far off from happy endings its pathetic. The first goal of a foster child is to return them to their home....and it should be. Mend the home and make it healthy for all concerned then the children can go home to a happy home and an intact family. That doesnt always happen. The second goal is to find a suitable relative willing to assume custody. The final goes is adoption. Many children sit in the system a long time throughout that process as did some of my kids. They sat long enough in the system that I became their mother.....for all intents and purposes. And the kids didnt want to leave. Social services is required by law to place them with a relative no matter what kind of relative it is so long as they can provide and the system doesnt have to. So basically is doesnt matter if the child is happy so long as the relative can provide 3 meals and a bed. I would have a hard time with that job and I know that. To me there is nothing more important that the happiness of a child....who cares what the relatives think.
Letting go isnt always easy once you have raised a child....they will aways be in my heart. I am thankful I had one more chance to hold them close and tell them how much I loved them. And when they both looked at me and said I love you too momma it meant more to me than anything in the entire world.
The hardest part of the job is letting go....I dont think you ever really do....not if you did your job correctly.
Mary's Blog
You will notice that many times I refer to the children that live in my home by just an initial. I also blur out the faces of all the children that live in my home in any pictures you may see on this blog. It isnt that I am not proud of them...I do this in order to maintain the confidentiality of the children and their families.
