The Hardest Part of the Job

Again our family grew this week and we welcomed a beautiful little 3 yr old girl into our home. M was so excited to no longer be the only hen in the rooster house and she finally had someone who would play dollbaby with her all day long. Its been fun watching them because kids can meet each other for a few minutes and all of sudden its like they have known each other forever. Thats part of the beauty of childhood I think.
My mind still keeps going back to the time I spent with my other 2 foster children who are now living with their Grandmother. I had no idea how emotionally exhausting it would be to see them but I wouldnt have missed it for all the money in the world. Its really hard to take a child and spend so much time with them....watch them grown....get comfortable....become so full of life and happy and then to see them change completely. Those 2 children were so full of life when they lived with me and it hurts to see that gone. Dont get me wrong I think all children need discipline and structure and we are happy to hand it out in sufficient doses when deemed necessary but to see them walk so soldier like and almost scared when they are with the grandmother is pretty hard to swallow. Then to make matters worse while I was visiting with them the little girl told some things that shouldnt be happening. All I could do is encourage her to talk to her social worker. Unfortunately she doesnt feel like that is something she can do...she is afraid of her. I wish she wasnt. All I can do is leave them in Gods hands now and pray that he keeps them safe in the palm of his hand....and I know he will.
I used to think I would like to become a Social Worker......not anymore. I wouldnt have that job for any amount of money. I love children. I wish I had a home large enough to accomodate more. I thought that job was about happy endings...but its so far off from happy endings its pathetic. The first goal of a foster child is to return them to their home....and it should be. Mend the home and make it healthy for all concerned then the children can go home to a happy home and an intact family. That doesnt always happen. The second goal is to find a suitable relative willing to assume custody. The final goes is adoption. Many children sit in the system a long time throughout that process as did some of my kids. They sat long enough in the system that I became their mother.....for all intents and purposes. And the kids didnt want to leave. Social services is required by law to place them with a relative no matter what kind of relative it is so long as they can provide and the system doesnt have to. So basically is doesnt matter if the child is happy so long as the relative can provide 3 meals and a bed. I would have a hard time with that job and I know that. To me there is nothing more important that the happiness of a child....who cares what the relatives think.
Letting go isnt always easy once you have raised a child....they will aways be in my heart. I am thankful I had one more chance to hold them close and tell them how much I loved them. And when they both looked at me and said I love you too momma it meant more to me than anything in the entire world.
The hardest part of the job is letting go....I dont think you ever really do....not if you did your job correctly.