Its A Done Deal!

This has been an overwhelming few days. I had planned to blog something all week but just didnt get around to it simply because I was sitting at home waiting for something to fall through or to go wrong. We had a court date for the finalization of our little girls adoption and it has been such a complicated case I just didnt trust anything until I held that paper in my hand with the judges signature on it. So Friday morning we went to court and arrived a whole hour early because I was not about to leave anything to chance. I invisioned the van breaking down....the bridge being stuck....the judge calling out sick. It was nerve racking to say the least. It was worth it though. When it was all said and done I have a beautiful child to raise to love and serve God. Before the judge hits that desk and says its official you tend to walk on pins and needles because any number of things could cause the child services to pick them up and move them some place else. And when you invest your heart in a child and you love them more than life itself it can be a heart wrenching thing to see them go. That is why I call it the 3rd trimester of my adoption. When a woman is pregnant I am sure her mind is consumed with all the possibilites...good and bad...its the same way when you adopt. Anyway ...thats is in the past. She is my daughter now and I will do my best to raise her to love and serve the Lord.
My boys were a little disappointed. They didnt understand why they were not adopted as well. J asked me why I didnt adopt him first since he was here first. It is hard to explain policy to a child when all they are looking for is stability and love. J and N both have a court date very soon and we will see what becomes of that. They have been in foster care for a very long time and I think they have become tired of the process. It has to be hard on a child. In 4 years only one person has stepped in and offered to take the boys and they refused to go with her because they say she was abusive to them as well. Kids really have it hard. We shouldnt have to live in a society where children have to wonder where they will live from one month to the next.
But the weekend came after the court was done and we had a celebration. We kept it low key. As much as I love her I didnt feel like I could openly celebrate too too much....after all we did receive a huge blessing by having her as our daughter ....but some where out there was a family that will never be as well. And that is sad in some ways too. We have so much to be thankful for.
I had no idea how much a piece of paper would mean to me. Morgan was my daughter a long time ago but that little piece of paper brough so much security its kind of odd actually....I was her mom long a ago....but now I am her mom and it just feels different. I know it doesnt make sense but it does in my world and thats all that matters really. She is growing every day and I am just going to enjoy the here and now. Its bed time and I rambled this blog so badly I must be exhausted....nite nite